hmm..well..been having some stuff on my mind these past few daes...ya..think now's a time when i'm starting to take more responsibility in cg and stuff...and ya..i dunno but sometimes i'm just so scared to fail again~..=( i remembered when there was a time when i was helping ah ni...i screwed up..i screwed up real bad k~.....i wasn't responsible at all with the ppl entrusted to me..and in the end, a good friend just left church because i wasn't faithful enough to take care of him and bring him through the times he was facing and my leader..ah ni...she's such a good big sister to me but yaa...sometimes i just feel that its because i didn't do my best..and sometimes all i cared was for the position and everything and yaa...i'm responsible for her leaving church too..=( ....i dunno...but eversince that incident...i just felt so scared of responsibility....haix..i'm so afraid that the same thing'll happen again...i dun want anybodie else to leave church because of me~! and last week....i just asked God.."why me?..why me Lord?"...i dunno...cause i'm so timid, i get nervous all the time and yaa i'm just not a good leader so....reallie...why me~?? but somehow the Holy Spirit just reminded me that heey...the more screwed up we are, the more God likes to use ppl like us to make a difference in others too!..yaa...and somehow i just felt that i should just give it a shot again...because i reallie do wanna make a difference in others and yaa..because the ppl around me do mean so much to me too! and ya, i just realised that's what its all about...not the glory or the position..no...but its all bout love too~....i know i've alot of mistakes to make up for in the past....and i've gotta do it one more time not to prove to anybodie that i can do it right this time round, but reallie, for me to know that my heart's in the right place too...that i can reallie humble myself to serve others and ya...do what i do because i love the ppl and not because of the duty and position that i have~..ya..it has to be this way this time round....it has to be! Jesus..guide me Lord through this time...i know i need yr grace and mercy like never before toox...! take over Lord...thank uUu...=) ya...well..bro derrick also's been talking to me bout ya...my character and one thing that he said's so true...i'm always trying to please everybody..but we can't please everybody all the time...but i dunno...i just feel its just not me sometimes if i've gotta talk harshly to others...i dunno....yaa...i'm so scared that i'll offend ppl and in the end cause them to leave church again too..=( haix....but ya..i know there's a way...there must be a way to challenge others without hurting their hearts too! Lord..give me the wisdom to be firm yet show love too Lord...change my heart too....! give me the capacity to love more and reallie..to be more decisive with the things that i do...thank u Lord...haix..there's so much more to go..everydae's gonna be a battle for me..but i know that i can do anything through Christ who strengthens me! amEn! =) well..that's all for now..take care peeps..God bless..!