what image do i give off to others..? to my friends..?

I really wonder sometimes.. :/

I guess.. as a person, I'm probably someone who's a quiet, "no fuss" kind of person.. I'm not the kind who always has to hang out with friends, mm.. just put me in a room with things that interest me.. (like a keyboard, guitar.. a nice story book.. etc.. ) and I guess I could be there all day, without feeling the need to even get out of the room too..

But that's not saying I don't like to have friends or to be around people.. :) I love being with people.. (esp dear.. :) ) and I don't mind going out to have a good time, and to spend time with my friends too.. :):) but probably, being okay with spending time alone.. it makes people feel that I "disappear" sometimes.. :(

I guess along the way, I've lost some close friends.. some really good friends that I treasure.. because we don't really have the chance to meet up that often now.. and it does feel bad, when these friends feel that i've no more time for them too.. :(

but what really hurts is when these friends start to treat the friendship like it doesn't matter anymore.. :( i guess that's what makes me really sad sometimes..

i don't really wish to try to turn back the clock anymore.. a friend once said, that how close friendships are is determined by a matching of how both parties value each other. If one values the other more than what the other party values him/her, then it just wouldn't work.. I guess.. there's no point trying to make these friendships work now is there..? since my value has dropped tremendously. :(

i just hope that i'll be a better friend to the friends that are still in my life.. i'll learn from this.